tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
try to milk me bitch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
