stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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