Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
