Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
