Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
