I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
