I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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