He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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