Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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