STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
