I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
