Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
