Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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