as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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