i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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