when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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