I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
