Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How naked do you want me to be?
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