Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
