just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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