Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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