I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
