dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
