youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i think my cat just said my name.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
