just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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