Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
