OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
