Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
