You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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