Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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