Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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