My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
