hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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