i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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