I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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