Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
