I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
