I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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