Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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