Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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