I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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