put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
