Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
