tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
