all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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