i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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