I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
