i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
