shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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