I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
