why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
