Church boner. Awkwardddd
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
