He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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