WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
