well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
