it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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