I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
