why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
