i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
did i just pee glitter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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