Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
