How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize